As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
