If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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