The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
