You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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