I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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