a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
