I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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