i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
