I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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