I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
