Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I will pee on everything he values.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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