As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
