12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
