He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
