Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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