weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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