I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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