so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
