I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
