Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
