Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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