you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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