Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
