i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
