I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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