It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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