It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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