you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
