I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
