my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
