Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
