Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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