So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
