another moral hangover. fuck.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
