That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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