He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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