no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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