i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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