operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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