i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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