If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
