I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
