i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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