Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Panties = found
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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