is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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