My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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