I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
