Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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