Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
