I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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