never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
