I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
