You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
