Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize