Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
