Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
