It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's the barista slut.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
