Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
