Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
